What’s wrong with me?

“Everyday I cry, I smile, cry then smile again
What’s wrong with me, why do i do this repeatedly?
Can’t differentiate between bottles of alcohol and meals
So far in my life, I never felt pain this excruciating
Absentmindedly, I write your name over and over on a piece of paper
In a day, the paper becomes black and I finally let the pen go
I long for you, I hold on to my cellphone and let it go
My eyes are filling up with tears again, this separation between us

After you left, I think I became a fool
I can’t do, I can’t do anything, so I die
I shove myself into a corner and live
Without you there’s nothing left to do
A day is too long, way too long
But what was I busy with, to make you feel so lonely?
When you wanted to go shopping, going out with my friends
was so easy, but why couldn’t I do the same to you?
I always regretting being so slow
I don’t know if I’m really stupid, but I still can’t let go of our bond

If I say that I’m in pain
I’m scared that I’ll really be in pain
If I say that I’m sad
I’m scared that I will shed my tears”

Why don’t I just laugh, just laugh, just laugh?

“But people ask me why I’m crying
When I’m laughing like this…“

I was blind to see

“I’m picking up my pieces, i am troubled. this lie…
is a puzzle where i piece together my sad portrait
my mind is the rotten underground
this mix in which principles are intertwined is only
a convict who is incarcerated in a prison that is me
body movements in a prison suit
everyone ridiculed us, oh so sick, my insides twist like the mobius strip
i put my ears to my inside
the three-way talk between me myself and i that i always ignored
the angel of the world who appeared after falling due to false good and evil.
i twist
i was blind.
the two eyes that are gallant about reality trick me.
i open my third eye and so it appears clearly…”

A FRIEND’S CONFESSION

As a friend, to remain as friends,
I had to push the confession down my throat…
But now I’ll confess to you…

…

You hold my hand and tell me you only have me
Keeping me as a friend
You say it’s a blessing
whenever you say lets never change
I had to push my feelings down

It might be best if I protect you
not knowing if it will be better
]I kept hearing it but I kept cool
I was too scared to lose you, but

Baby, come to me now
And be my lady…
I’ve watched you for too long
I stood there with no words
Hiding my pitful heart